I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize