My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
