Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
