I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a hoe opinion
go on
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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