Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
