he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
