I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
