we're chasing vodka with high fives
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
