Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
