i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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