My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
