when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
