I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize