If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
