Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Bring me that man meat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
