Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
