i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
