I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
