it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
and you fell through a lawn chair
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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