can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
