Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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