wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
