3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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