the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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