I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
