I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize