You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
