apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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