the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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