My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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