normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
