I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
