i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
