Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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