I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Do I have a choice?
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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