God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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