I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
