Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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