Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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