I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
