It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
