He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
