We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
