Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
