they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
