also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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