I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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