you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
