You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
