Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize