I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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