Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
