he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
