I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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