oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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