Three words: puerto rican gang bang
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize