Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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