Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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