Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
