so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
