He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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