My friends, they love my intelligence
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
