in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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