I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
