Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
tell me about the eggs
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