Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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