Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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