What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
