You really coming over, don't trick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
