I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
