i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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