Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
