He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
