need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize