I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
