That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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