After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
