i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
