I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
