So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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