dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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