dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize